Part 1: Dealing with lust, sex & porn
If you’re going to use your sexuality for God’s purposes at uni, sure it will require hard work to put sexual sin to death. But more importantly it will require prayer for God's grace to radically transform your heart, so that you will actually want to live his way in the first place.
1. Live for the King
Holiness is a battle. Battles often get ugly and there are lots of discouragements along the way. The first step to enduring is to fix your eyes on Jesus the King, returning to him when you fail, and starting again.
2. Take responsibility for yourself – “each will have to bear his own load” (Galatians 6:5)
Very often it’s much easier to talk about or think about our sins than it is to actually do something about them! Our hearts are deceitful and we can quietly assure ourselves that the problem’s not that deep, or that it will all work itself out in the end – even while we’re talking or reading about how big a problem it is!
But this sort of problem never ‘works itself out’. You have to do that. One of the main qualifications for getting married (or for any adult relationship) is that you have started taking responsibility for your own actions rather than excusing or ignoring them. Now’s the time to start, and step one in dealing with a lust problem might be acknowledging that it really is your problem – and, under God, you’re the one who’s going to have to deal with it.
3. Talk to someone – “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2)
We also need the help of others. Deeds done in secret can be like a terrible chain that tightens around our life. The chain can be broken when the deed is dragged out into the light of day. It’s pretty tough confessing what you’ve done, but it’s often the turning point in dealing with it. Find someone you trust, someone who won’t freak out, and say, “Can I tell you about my life?” If there’s a staffworker on your campus, they’d be very glad to talk to you.
This is also true if you have been sinned against. Fear is a powerful force that holds us back from sharing these things with other people. If there is someone you could trust with the knowledge of the things done to you, let them share the burden and encourage you.
4. Understand how desire works – drain it, don’t stoke it
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age. (Titus 2:11-12)
The power of desire is very strong, and it can feel like the only way to make the intense desire go away is by yielding to it. But giving into desire is like drinking salt water — it gives momentary relief, which is soon replaced by an even stronger flaming desire. Lust works with a positive feedback cycle.
Learn that there are things you can do to either feed our wrong desires or starve them, and even redirect them where they should go. We starve our desire when we avoid putting ourselves in the way of temptation. Or when we develop a network of healthy other-person-centred relationships where we are serving. These things form a stable centre in life — a shelter — which means desire becomes less engulfing, less overwhelming. When you desire the true Master, the lesser masters have less space to work with in your life.
5. Do whatever it takes – “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away” (Matthew 5:29)
Radical surgery may be required! Maybe you need to get rid of the internet from your room, or even your home. Maybe you need to not see that person again. Or go and seek forgiveness from those you have used sexually. Do whatever it takes to put away all ungodliness, and seek first the Kingdom of God.